Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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