I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
