if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She bit a glass in half.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I pour the whiskey from now on
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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