When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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