This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize