don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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