Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
