my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
