That's intense
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
