...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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