I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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