The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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