thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
