You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
