I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
