:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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