I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i've created a new STD.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
