"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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