Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
