# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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