I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
