Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
