lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
