Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
