guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
