I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
