I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
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She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
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I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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