an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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