I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
