i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
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Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
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While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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