my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
