he thought i was a dude.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
