Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
