One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Terrible idea I love it
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
