I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
