if only i could text you this smell
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You took a bar mat shot.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
