Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
