All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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