It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
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Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
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The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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