i jhust puked up my retainher.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
