i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
What did we do last night that was yellow?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
