whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
