I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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