I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Randomize
