the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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