she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
