Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
