eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
