My nipple is on Facebook.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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