I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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