A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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