My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
