Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I wish there were birth control emojis
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I had to cum in my sink.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
