Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
