Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
