Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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