No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
