ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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