my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
