Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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