we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
