I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
