we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
