Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
