I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
