You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
