I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
