ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
