Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
