Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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