I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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