he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
