thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just crazy horny about you
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me + whiskey = a bad person
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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