They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
