I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It's just like the Real World with babies
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
