Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
