Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
