Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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