Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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