I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
