he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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