The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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