Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
